And another is done


This has been on my list of tattoos to get for at least five years.


It’s housing season!

First off, I know I’m not obligated to update my readers with every new thing that happens. Especially as I’m at a point in the development of Erotic Hedonism where I’m seriously going through a lot of learning and less talking about what I’m learning.

…plus, I’m working on a personal bargain I’ve made with Eros, Nyx/Aphrodite Melainis, and a Titaness’ Daughter, which I’ve been told will work to my favour within a year, but it’s very personal, and I can’t say anything about t here until it’s gone through, and even then, the less said, the better (but I’m sure some of you who actually talk to me can figure out enough on your own that you probably don’t need me to say anything, really).

Basically, I’d say more of my spiritual developments if there was anything I *could* say. The stuff I’m surrently at liberty to share?

  • my soul is VERY old. In fact, it’s a generally accepted fact that there are currently more living people on Earth, now, than there have been in most (if not all) Centuries before the 20th combined. The Newage “indigo children are precious very super-rare New Souls” bullshit is bullshit on that premise, alone. (Plus, I have it on good authority from one in the know that the whole Newage interpretation of “indigo children” is a warping of something written by a woman with synesthesia, and originally had nothing to do with one’s aura/soul/etc…) I’ve been told there are very few souls left as old as mine. I’m not at all surprised by this, since I’ve been told since I was a chid, by people who have even the vaguest mystical bends, that I strike them as having “a very old soul”. Granted, once people find out I’m now in my thirties, I’ve been getting that a bit less, but I’ll chalk that up to ageism. In short, reincarnation exists. If you choose the path of Erotic Hedonism when I’m at a point to teach in 2024, this is not something that can be budged on; you have quite possibly lived a life before this one, and we have to go through this cycle, again and again, until we stop fucking up — what that is, is different for everyone, but is directly tied to forging a path of one’s pleasures and passions.
  • I cannot cut my hair that grows from my scalp. I’m allowed to get the dead ends trimmed around the Boeotian New Year, but that’s it. This is not necessarily related to Erotic Hedonism. This is a personal directive I’ve taken from Eros. I’ still not entirely sure why, but I have my suspicions. I also haven’t asked, but eh, I will when I feel like it.
  • My gender has not been wholly “male” since I was about 30. It’s obviously taken me some years to pull my thumb out of my arse, but oh well. For about the first thirty years of my life, at least the years of that I could articulate gender to myself and others, I had a male gender. An effeminate male gender, but that changed a few years ago. I have, this last few years, been androgynos; literally man-woman, or simultaneously both and in-between. Or as much of both as I can be from a male starting point. Pronouns are still “he, him, his” (but if I don’t feel like correcting people, I won’t; and there are certainly situations or people where other pronouns feel more appropriate), and I’m still on my FTM HRT with no intention of ending it, but at some point, I gotta get the facial and body hair stripped (if only for my own sanity).
  • oh yeah, and remember my second kitty? She’s doing well. (Including this as a spiritual update, because a friend who donated the adoption fee said they had a spiritual push to do something good for an animal with their extra money that week. I now have two cats that spirits threw at me).

But now for a BIG IMPORTANT:

I’m in a real time crunch to get the security deposit to sign my lease on the new apartment.

Why do i need a new apartment? Long story short, the roommate who sucks sniped this place out from under me, and the rest of us are getting kicked out in late August. I’ve already found a new place, with new roommate(s) (one intends to be temporary, which is fine). The new place is two blocks from this one, and actually even closer to the Ypsilanti bus station than this place. It’s smaller, but it’s got hell of character, and I really like it. And the property and building(s) it’s in is 19th Century. Seriously, there’s the main house, and I’m in the “carriage house”, where you’d park your fucking horse and carriage. It’s clearly older than a car garage. I’ll be in the carriage house with my friend Jay, but one catch:

We NEED the security deposit by FRIDAY, THE 15TH!

I know that this is not a lot of time, but between my cats and my Etsy business, I literally cannot afford to be homeless/couch surfing. If I have to put my shop on “vacation mode” for more than a few days, I’m at this point pretty much guaranteed to have only about 65% of the money I need to get through a month. That is how important it is for me to stay securely housed and keep my shop open.

Unfortunately, my roommate-to-be is not currently in the most stable situation, but he has a mostly-functional care, and a few decent job prospects this summer. He’s also a DJ and freelance photographer I’ve worked with before, BUT unless you’re DJing a goth club in, like, Los Angeles or at WGT or something, you’re not making much money; you’re barely keeping yourself in cigarettes or gum.

So I’ve started a GoFundMe to raise the necessary money for the security deposit and cover the GFM fees. PLEASE, donate whatever it is that you can, or at least spread the link!

And special for this blog, to get myself back in a blogging habit, if you are able to donate $5 or more, I will write a 1000+ word article on a topic of your choosing *or* another 28 lines of Brother Love and Sister Strife.

Let’s make this happen!


Merry Kitsch-mas

Yeah, i know that evergreens have a long-standing place in many pagan and polytheist traditions, and there are certainly some pine and fir species native to Greece and Her ancient colonies, but damned if I can find much suggesting that either are specifically sacred to this time of year. And let’s check the weather in modern Thespiai for this time of the year; not very analogous to Ypsilanti, MI, is it?

…but I love the kitcshy metallic decorative trees, I do, and adapting to the local ways is, at least to some extent, a part of the ancient tradition —and for certain definitions to “local”, kitsch is very much a part of U.S. culture that I can respect (just look at how many John Waters films I inflict on unsuspecting friends). So I adapt the kitschy tree to celebrate the new year, and reflect my Boeotian and Hedonist religion.

I pick out my ornaments very carefully: Birds for Eros, Butterflies for Psykhe, and Jewels for Hedone. The colours are a little less meaningful; purple is my favourite colour, and I’ve come to associate blues with Eros, and the two compliment each-other well. The arrangement is also made with an aesthetic quality in mind (and frankly, while I liked making cheesy little ornaments as a kid, I always HATED the appearance of the typical “family tree”, with a lot of sentimental ornaments, and no sense of appearance in mind –I remember asking my mother several times why we didn’t have those gorgeous, colour-themed trees decorated with gossamer ribbons and coordinated ornaments in the displays at the stores and in some magazines, and she never gave me a straight answer and always added “when you grow up and get your own tree, you can decorate it however you like”. Good. I will. And it’ll be a better tree! With blackjack! And hookers!)

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Want to help me pay my post-holiday electric bill? Take a look at my Nocturnal Spirits or OddModOut Etsy shops; if you see nothing you like, there, please consider donating to my Patreon fund-raiser.

30 Days of Devotion Meme

So, the Pagan Blogging Project of 2013 is winding down, and it seems I’m one of less than thirty people who’ll see it to the end, which isn’t quite as exciting as I made it seem, but also more exciting than it probably should be. Think about it, I’m on to be part of an elite number of people who not only took this challenge, but managed to complete it! In light of this, I found this other “30 Days of X” pagan/polytheist meme, and I’ve decided to do it, starting on the first of the Boeotian Lunar Year. Remember the first “30 days” pagan blog meme I attempted? I didn’t do thirty consecutive days, but by gum, I’m one of maybe four people out of literally dozens of pagans I’ve seen attempt that one, who has actually accomplished it.

o here’s a list for the Devotion meme:

  1. A basic introduction of the deity
  2. How did you become first aware of this deity?
  3. Symbols and icons of this deity
  4. A favorite myth or myths of this deity
  5. Members of the family – genealogical connections
  6. Other related deities and entities associated with this deity
  7. Names and epithets
  8. Variations on this deity (aspects, regional forms, etc.)
  9. Common mistakes about this deity
  10. Offerings – historical and UPG
  11. Festivals, days, and times sacred to this deity
  12. Places associated with this deity and their worship
  13. What modern cultural issues are closest to this deity’s heart?
  14. Has worship of this deity changed in modern times?
  15. Any mundane practices that are associated with this deity?
  16. How do you think this deity represents the values of their pantheon and cultural origins?
  17. How does this deity relate to other gods and other pantheons?
  18. How does this deity stand in terms of gender and sexuality? (historical and/or UPG)
  19. What quality or qualities of this god do you most admire? What quality or qualities of them do you find the most troubling?
  20. Art that reminds you of this deity
  21. Music that makes you think of this deity
  22. A quote, a poem, or piece of writing that you think this deity resonates strongly with
  23. Your own composition – a piece of writing about or for this deity
  24. A time when this deity has helped you
  25. A time when this deity has refused to help
  26. How has your relationship with this deity changed over time?
  27. Worst misconception about this deity that you have encountered
  28. Something you wish you knew about this deity but don’t currently
  29. Any interesting or unusual UPG to share?
  30. Any suggestions for others just starting to learn about this deity?

It’s been a while since I’ve written specifically about and for Eros, and this seemed like a fine way to re-invigorate that without risking getting too personal.

[PBP2013] Lost in Translation: L’amour est bleu

L’amour est bleu
Doux, doux, l’amour est doux
Douce est ma vie, ma vie dans tes bras
Doux, doux, l’amour est doux
Douce est ma vie, ma vie près de toi

Bleu, bleu, l’amour est bleu
Berce mon cœur, mon cœur amoureux
Bleu, bleu, l’amour est bleu
Bleu comme le ciel qui joue dans tes yeux

Comme l’eau, comme l’eau qui court
Moi, mon cœur court après ton amour

Gris, gris, l’amour est gris
Pleure mon cœur lorsque tu t’en vas
Gris, gris, le ciel est gris
Tombe la pluie quand tu n’es plus là

Le vent, le vent gémit
Pleure le vent lorsque tu t’en vas
Le vent, le vent maudit
Pleure mon cœur quand tu n’es plus là

Comme l’eau, comme l’eau qui court
Moi, mon cœur court après ton amour

Bleu, bleu, l’amour est bleu
Le ciel est bleu lorsque tu reviens
Bleu, bleu, l’amour est bleu
L’amour est bleu quand tu prends ma main

Fou, fou, l’amour est fou
Fou comme toi et fou comme moi
Bleu, bleu, l’amour est bleu
L’amour est bleu quand je suis à toi

L’amour est bleu quand je suis à toi

Love is blue (translation)
Sweet, sweet, love is sweet
Sweet is my life, my life in your arms
Sweet, sweet, love is sweet
Sweet is my life, my life close to you

Blue, blue, love is blue
Cradle my heart, my loving heart
Blue, blue, love is blue
Blue like the sky which play in your eyes

Like the water, like the running water
Me, my heart runs after your love

Grey, grey, love is grey
My heart weeps since you went away
Grey, grey, the sky is grey
The rain falls when you’re not there anymore

The wind, the wind moans
The wind weeps since you went away
The wind, the cursed wind
My heart weeps when you’re not there anymore

Like the water, like the running water
Me, my heart runs after your love

Blue, blue, love is blue
The sky is blue when you return
Blue, blue, love is blue
Love is blue when you take my hand

Mad, mad, love is mad
Mad like you and mad like me
Blue, blue, love is blue
Love is blue when I am yours

Love is blue when I am yours


Blue, blue, my world is blue
Blue is my world since I’m without you
Gray, gray, my life is gray
Cold is my heart since you went away

Red, red, my eyes are red
Crying for you alone in my bed
Green, green, my jealous heart I
doubted you and now we’re apart

How the bright sun shone
Then love died
Now the rainbow is gone
Black, black, the nights I’ve known
Longing for you, so lost and alone
Gone, gone, the love we knew
Blue is my world since I’m without you

This is also an allegory for how the original language is necessary to a complete understanding.